Autism, ADHD or Personality Disorder? Why the Confusion is Dangerous

Right now, social media is full of people claiming to be neurodivergent. Autism, ADHD, sometimes both. But scratch the surface, and what you often find is a performance, not a diagnosis. The language might be right, the hashtags might hit the algorithm. But the behaviour is where the mask slips.

Many of the loudest voices claiming to speak from lived experience of autism or ADHD do not come across as having those conditions at all. What they do expose (often unintentionally) is behaviour that aligns far more closely with certain personality disorders. The manipulation, the deception, the way they twist narratives to make themselves the victim while simultaneously controlling others. These are not the hallmarks of autism nor ADHD.

It is easy to see how this happens. Look at how DSM-5 defines personality disorder in general:

“An enduring pattern of inner experience and behaviour that deviates markedly from the norms and expectations of the individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment.”

If you stripped the word “personality” (and onset details) out of that sentence, it could easily describe autism. Or ADHD. The confusion is understandable but dangerous.

Shared Symptoms, Different Roots

The overlap in symptoms is real. Cognition, affect, impulse control, interpersonal functioning; autism and ADHD both affect these areas. But so do many personality disorders.

Here is where the confusion gets worse: some professionals, and plenty of diagnosed (sometimes via a ‘neuroafirmative’ diagnostian) and self-diagnosed social media users, lump everything under the banner of “neurodivergence”. Trauma-related conditions, personality disorders, developmental disorders, it all gets muddled. Especially when people are encouraged to self-identify without any meaningful assessment.

DSM-5 even admits the overlap. Adults with autism may be misread as narcissistic or schizotypal. ADHD can be confused with borderline or antisocial traits and personality disorders should be excluded before a diagnosis of ADHD is given. However, the guidance on the differences is vague. Clinicians are advised to rely on extended observation, interviews, and developmental history. Not easy when most people forming opinions are doing so through a screen and/or when the person is acting and generally being dishonest to get the diagnosis they want.

Why the Diagnostic Criteria Are Not Enough

DSM-5 lists symptoms, not causes. That is the real issue.

Autism is fundamentally cognitive. It stems from differences in how people process information and express themselves. It is about incoming signals being overwhelming or jumbled, and the challenge of getting thoughts out clearly. Sensory sensitivities, repetitive behaviour, narrow interests; these are not trauma responses. They are neurological. You do not learn them, and you cannot fake them consistently.

In contrast, personality disorders are rooted in early emotional neglect, abandonment, and often abuse. These conditions form when someone has not had consistent emotional support. They are not about cognition. They are about the personality and emotional self being warped or suppressed as a survival strategy. Where autism limits the ability to express a fully formed personality, personality disorders often involve hiding behind a false one.

That false self can be disturbingly effective. People with narcissistic or antisocial traits often know exactly how to mimic empathy. They can appear charming, generous, even saintly. But it is performance, not feeling, not authentic. That level of social calculation and manipulation is impossible for autistic individuals, who typically struggle to read the room, never mind orchestrate the entire production.

Some Key Distinctions

• Empathy: Autistic people feel deeply but struggle to show it. They may have strong affective empathy but limited cognitive empathy. Personality disorders, especially NPD and ASPD, show the opposite: no real affective empathy, but an ability to fake it convincingly (cognitive empathy).

• Control: Autistic people crave predictability because their processing issues make the world chaotic. Rigid routines are about coping. Those with narcissistic traits seek control to feed their fragile self-image. It is about power and feeling superior, not predictability.

• Masking: Autistic masking is about survival. It often fails. People still come across as odd or “off”. Personality disorder masking is about manipulation. It is strategic and socially competent to a level that rules out autism.

• Impulsivity and emotional regulation: ADHD and some personality disorders share these. But ADHD is not rooted in fear of abandonment, deep-seated self-loathing, or identity instability. Borderline traits are.

• Authenticity: Autistic individuals tend to be painfully honest. People with personality disorders tend to hide, shift, and manipulate.

Why This Matters

The rise in people claiming to be autistic or have ADHD without proper assessment is not harmless. It dilutes understanding. It makes it harder for those who genuinely have autism and/or ADHD to be taken seriously. It also means those with personality disorders do not get the help they actually need, because they have latched onto a label that fits their public image better.

Some of this confusion is being fuelled by professionals who do not know the difference themselves. The rest is coming from people who never ask the deeper question: what is driving these behaviours?

If you stick to symptoms, there is a high risk that you will get it wrong. Symptoms can be copied. Causes cannot.

Autism and ADHD are developmental disorders, not trauma responses. You can have both trauma and autism, but that does not mean one caused the other. In personality disorders, trauma is the root.

If you understand that, the fog starts to clear.

And if you are still not sure? Look for the processing issues. The real ones. The kind that disrupt a life, not just a conversation. The kind that leave someone exhausted from trying to function in a world that never makes sense to them.

That is autism.

True ADHD is about the failure to develop executive functioning skills. This causes significant difficulty with everyday life and can cause difficulties with making and keeping friends - because of those difficulties with executive functioning.

What autism and ADHD are not (no matter how convincing the act) is narcissism or other personality disorder due to trauma of some sort with a rebrand.