Social Emotional Reciprocity in Autism

Social Emotional Reciprocity is what makes social chit chat enjoyable and fulfilling for most people. Social chit chat is about emotion more than the content. Those engaging in social emotional reciprocity exchange packets of emotion during their conversation. It is that which builds social connection.

Some autistic people can engage in social emotional reciprocity, but others are not able to do this. For them, it is another barrier that prevents them connecting with people. However, note that not being able to do social emotional reciprocity does not automatically make you autistic. There are things that can be done to simulate this and build emotional connection with people.

Lack of ability to do social emotional reciprocity in autism makes social chit chat boring and in fact some autistic people conclude people engage in social chit chat because they are bored. If you don’t understand what is really going on that is not an unreasonable conclusion.

Those autistic people who can do social emotional reciprocity are those who come closest to emulating social chit chat. They can and do exchange packets of emotion with other people. But their conversation falls short because of their barriers that prevent them learning the unwritten (and confusingly) often broken social rules and fall into the ‘uncanny valley’ They don’t know when they can break the rules and when they should not, and people notice that something is not quite right. For example, they may push banter or flirting too far and make people feel uncomfortable because they can’t read the signs that they are going to far. They learn what to say, but it doesn’t flow and is too formulaic.

This ability or lack of ability means that two separate approaches need to be taken when helping autistic people with social skills. The first thing to ascertain is whether or not someone can do social emotional reciprocity.

Can’t do Social Emotional Reciprocity

When someone is not able to do social emotional reciprocity, then you should consider the following interventions. It is important to realise that emotional connection can be built despite not being able to do social emotional reciprocity.

• Explain what social chit chat is about, why people do it, and most of all why they find it enjoyable and fulfilling.

• Explain that people talk about banal subjects - like the weather - to get conversation started and to start building connection.

• Explore how the person likes to build connection with people. Often this is doing things together and/or shared interests.

• Social emotional reciprocity can be simulated by asking people about themselves and remembering to ask follow up questions next time you see them. This demonstrates caring and builds emotional connection.

In addition, explore the other barriers that prevent effective conversation. Often the aim has to be to help the person get by and to help them get enough social interaction to satisfy their needs in this area.

Can do Social Emotional Reciprocity

When someone is able to engage in social emotional reciprocity, then it is important to explore how and when this breaks down. Sometimes, all that is needed is to encourage the person to tone down the flirting, joking, banter, or gossip so that it doesn’t get to the point where it upsets people. Teach the person the signs to look out for.

It is when people can engage in social emotional reciprocity that they can put too much effort into getting the social stuff right. But unfortunately, trying too hard tends to make them fall into the ‘uncanny valley’ where they can come across as ‘creepy’ because they don’t get it quite right. When this happens, it is important to explain what is going on to the person and convince them not to try so hard. It isn’t actually necessary. They can be better liked with a much simpler approach that takes the person’s autism fully into account and thus prevents exhaustion.

However, sometimes, the barriers for social interaction are far more fundamental. Sometimes, you have to figure out how best to help the person engage in two way conversation. That means working out what is preventing the person from doing this. Working on this will improve family relationships and help the person to build friendships in due course.

Conclusion

Although difficulties with social interaction in autism are due to barriers caused by the interaction of various factors including, processing issues, sensory issues, how someone thinks, and how they focus, it is important to tailor training in social interaction based on whether or not the autistic person can engage in social emotional reciprocity.

It is also vitally important that strategies take the barriers into account as well so that the autistic person is able to engage socially to the best of their ability, but without undue effort.

Our autism profile identifies the barriers for social interaction and communication and identifies whether or not someone can engage in social emotional reciprocity. Off the back of this, we can provide mentoring with social interaction. This includes explaining what social interaction is about and why people enjoy social chit chat. We enables autistic adults who cannot engage in social emotional reciprocity to handle social interaction within their jobs well and thrive. Contact us to find out more and discuss your requirements.